


Replacement

by animegoil



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-26
Updated: 2010-07-26
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:56:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animegoil/pseuds/animegoil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What did it matter if they'd confessed their love, when Hakkai was scared, and because Gojyo understood, couldn't do anything about it? He would only ever be a replacement for Kanaan, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Replacement

It had never been a problem because it had never gone that far. Which was surprising, because Sha Gojyou, who'd had more bed partners than Sanzo had cigarettes, or bad moods (alright, maybe not _that_ many) would have been expected to do it the first night Hakkai became officially his. Or even before then.

But Gojyou treated Hakkai like he was glass. Not in the sense that he treated him like a lady, no matter that Hakkai was suspiciously housewife-like acting sometimes, or ever prevented him from fighting for fear he'd get hurt—If Hakkai was capable of anything, it was of taking care of himself—or that he didn't cuss Hakkai out once or twice when in a bad mood. But his touches were always gentle when hovering over the pale skin of his lover, and his words were always careful concerning the past, and he was always watchful of Hakkai's mood, at the ready to be a sort of moral or emotional support were things ever to come crashing down around them.

He never pressed for entrance, and in truth, though damn him if he ever admitted it to a chick he was trying to hit on, they'd never gone further than heated kisses and touches. But he had never bedded Cho Hakkai. He figured they would eventually, and though he'd rather it sooner than later, he would not push Hakkai.

-OoOoOoOoO-

Gojyou pushed Hakkai roughly into the wall of the deserted hallway in the grungy hotel, trailing his tongue over the warm flesh of his parted lips, his hands doing similar motions along the length of his well-toned back. A small gasp of near-pleasure and minimal pain escaped Hakkai's lips as Gojyou bit his shoulder lightly, lifting his face to grin softly up at his partner. Hakkai's mouth too, turned upwards in a mix of tenderness of deviousness, and somehow that was possible coming from Hakkai, before returning the favor and dragging his tongue to leave a trail of wet fire winding from the corner of Gojyou's mouth, down the reticent jawline, and painfully slow down his neck, teasing the mound of his Adam's apple, and ending with a flick at the dip of his collarbone. Gojyou couldn't have been happier with the pure ecstasy Hakkai's careful hands inflicted on him as they pressed tender spots on his chest, and he moaned, the sound muffled in the other man's dark hair.

One hand was pressed behind Hakkai's head, sifting through the fine short hair as the other drew tantalizing patterns on his flat stomach with his ghosting fingertips, listening to the shallow breathing of his partner's gasps as the blew sweaty strands of crimson hair from between them. His breaths were just as fast, breathless, drawing in the sharp humid air of warmth and pleasure almost desperately. Their lips were one, relentless, too hot to control as their lungs burned for breath and their mouths still denied it.

It was nearly perfect, the farthest they'd been yet, but it was because of that it was only near perfect. In that moment of hormonal rush, with Hakkai's breathing echoing beckoningly in his ears, and his almost feverish hands feeling the driving pulse of heartbeat beneath his fingertips, he didn't think ahead. The moment was too strong—it was Hakkai's milk white face flushed and resting hotly against Gojyou's bare shoulder, his skittering hands underneath Gojyou's shirt, his small body and the burst of adrenaline in his veins. In that moment, he forgot everything and his hands inadvertently moved to the hemline of Hakkai's pants, settling low on his hip as one hand deftly began undoing the belt buckle and his mouth refreshed its memory of Hakkai's lips with another kiss.

"S-Stop…"

Hakkai's body froze and his face suddenly lowered as he placed his hands on Gojyou's, gently, almost fearfully removing them from his waist. His voice was regretful, an ashamed flutter of the air, a timid whisper, "You're… making me uncomfortable."

There was an icy silence as the mood was shattered and Gojyou's eyes widened as he stood in shock, "Wha—I…. How?"

Hakkai's hands were trembling almost imperceptibly as he whispered one word: "Kanaan."

"Oh."

It was probably the only appropriate thing to say, because Gojyou wasn't about to say 'Sorry' for trying to get something that by all means should have belonged to him. Nonetheless, he found he _wished_ to say it, if only because he understood, and he knew how hard it was—on the both of them. He was sorry for pushing Hakkai where he hadn't meant to.

He turned away, but Hakkai caught his shoulder, still avoiding his gaze. It was him who muttered, almost ashamed, "Sorry."

Gojyou understood, and with a brief shake of his head, the one that Hakkai would be able to tell by flick of the tipshis hair, hoped that Hakkai knew that as well.

Kanaan was the only one Hakkai had ever slept with, and it had been a very different situation, with him as the man, and her as his wife, an unbreakable vow severed only by death. While the apparent difference in circumstances was only physical, the fact that Gojyou would be leading, it went much deeper than that. Kanaan had been the one that Hakkai had killed a thousand demons for, thereby renouncing his own humanity and joining their ranks. He'd only grown to love Gojyou because of their partnership, because of shared, if different, sorrows, and the eternity of time they'd spent together. But it would never be the same as it had been with his wife. Gojyou knew it, he was second place to her, and he understood. It hurt, it was a deep twist of a knife that had embedded itself inside him, one that plunged itself in at every rejection, beginning with his mother's. But he understood, and because of that, couldn't do anything about it but stand there and let the knife stab him repeatedly.

He watched Hakkai stand in the dark, head bent low, fists clenched, belt buckle hanging loosely, and in one quick motion, lifted his chin and kissed the corner of his mouth before fleeing.


End file.
